Wild Flower Wanderings

BTS10 + 18 days

Goal: No goal-minding today, just a mood. 

Song stuck in my head: Wild Flower by RM (feat. Youjeen)

I listened to RM's album Indigo for the first time all the way through. The lyrics really touched me. Especially Wild Flower, that one just speaks to me in a lot of ways. Maybe it's the lyrics, maybe it's Youjeen's voice, I can't really put my finger on what I like about it so much...but it speaks to me in a way that stands out among the tracks. 

Maybe the thing it reminds me of is that sometimes I get too caught up in things and end up miserable. I yearned for the flames...

I'm not famous like RM, so I really can't understand the shackles of fame. So the lyrics to Wild Flower speak to me in a completely different way. In the past, I have gotten caught up in fandoms. I used to be a member of a couple of different sci-fi fandoms, which shall remain nameless because it's irrelevant. But I was in deep. I spent hours and hours online talking to friends about the show(s), rewatching episodes, reading and writing fanfiction, and reading any and every interview I could get my hands on.  Nights the beating of my heart kept me up...

I spent so much effort on fandom that I got burned out every time, and ended up feeling betrayed. But there comes a point in fandom that you feel this way, if you dive in as much as I did. Even though I made some lifelong friends that I still have, I still have mixed feelings about the experience. And those mixed feelings extend to rewatching the shows that I loved, which I still can't do. When your dreams devour you...

Now here I am, finding myself diving into BTS, and ARMY. I've been interested in BTS since approximately March 12, 2023. So not quite four months. #BabyARMY 

And in that four months, I've joined the fan club and bought a stack of albums and DVDs from the Weverse shop. I've spent hours scrolling the Weverse for posts of pretty pics, watching live streams I can't understand, catching up on un content like Run!BTS (which is hilarious), getting up at weird hours to watch live-streamed Suga concerts, and generally distracting myself. I've watched so many BTS  music videos and live performances that I can't take my phone out of my purse at work, it's too distracting. When your feet don't touch the ground...

This week, I've been feeling pretty reflective. I have a lot of personal stuff going on right now and it makes me feel a little melancholy. That's why I was listening to RM's album, it speaks to me that way. You can feel the melancholy in places (Lonely, Wild Flower, etc.). And when the music speaks to me in this mood, I tend to connect with it on a deeper level. That's what happened with Wild Flower for me. When you feel you're not yourself...

As I was listening, I found myself thinking about RM, the song and how he was feeling when he wrote it. Lyrics can be pretty telling. So my fangirl brain immediately started working overtime and connecting dots. I yearned for the flames...

And that's when it hit me...and I had to step away for a while and do something else. 

An album this personal connects on a personal level for the listener. The passion in that record is seductive and it's easy to be the moth the gets too close and bursts into flame. Gonna scatter across that sky...

After the lessons I've learned from fandom in the past, I can't get too involved in thinking I know the artist behind the song. I don't. And that thought is like dumping ice water on the fire in my brain. 

So, while I want to be ARMY, I need to define my fangirling in a way that protects me from feeling burned. I think I'm going to be a quieter ARMY. I'll just enjoy their music and fangirl to the extent that I can. If I hold back a little and check myself when I start developing expectations, then I can enjoy it without being disappointed. 

I just want to love their music and enjoy the talent those goes into it. If you have no expectations, then you can truly enjoy what comes. So I have to check my expectations and be aware when things start spinning. But it's really hard not to completely get lost when all I want to do right now is listen to Wild Flower over and over. Lying in a field, I set my sights on the skies... 

Be a Better Human

 BTS10 + 4 days

Goal: Be a Better Human

I went back to volunteering today. I volunteer at a local reuse center, where I sort donations for resale in the center. It's a neat place. We get a lot of interesting things and a lot of interesting customers. And the goal is to keep the items we get out of the landfill by putting them back into use.

That can mean a few things. There are some things we sell that will be used for their original purpose - like needlework kits. There are some things that lend themselves to use in art, and we have a lot of artists that come in to find supplies for various media. Then there are the things that are out there to be put to a "creative reuse".

For instance, when I was in Kentucky last month for work, I went to a favorite coffee shop and saw this (left).

See those brown cross bars at the middle and bottom on the inside of the screen door? They're yard sticks. Yes, the kind used for measuring. 

Check out the close-up below. What a neat idea! They shored up their old screen door and kept it in use and they did it with something different. (This coffee shop is in what looks like old coachman's quarters - it's right next to an old coach house). Also, if you're ever in Covington, Kentucky, and you like coffee, the coffee at Left Bank Coffeehouse is really good.

As soon as I saw this, I thought of my volunteer shift every week and how much I love working there. I don't get paid, or even get a discount. The only perk is that you don't need an appointment to donate and that you get first pick if you find anything you want in the sort. You pay regular price for those items, but the prices are so good, even regular price is a steal.

I call it my craft supply swap. I donate the craft supplies I don't want and buy the ones I do. It's really great for when your tastes in crafting change and you want to work on something new, or at least something new to you. Once in a while we get cool vintage stuff too. I even bought my mom a gorgeous antique treadle sewing machine that worked great from there. 

Keeping things out of the landfill is important to me. I do my best to recycle everything I can put in curbside recycling. And the things that curbside doesn't take (plastic bags, cardboard, paint, etc.), we take to our local recycling centers that do take those things. 

To me, part of being a good human is not leaving a mess for others. And that means not putting a bunch of unnecessary trash out there. 

To continue my quest to reduce and reuse, Tomorrow I am going to repurpose a shirt I made. The fabric was nice but the shirt was too short. I hung onto it for a while because I didn't want to throw it away. But when I came across it again last week, I decided that it might make a really cute baby romper and, if I can successfully repurpose it, I won't have to throw it away. I'll also save money because I won't be buying additional fabric. So look for that project in my next post.

Step 1

Date: BTS10 + 1 day

Goal: Learn Korean

Well, I did it. I signed up for Korean at my local community college in the fall. I paid for the class and ordered my textbooks, so I'm in. It's even at a good time so I won't have to take time off from work. And from what I can see, there are four sections of the class, so I should have some relatively decent language skills by the time I get ready to go. Or at least enough to get by.

Step one...check. 

It will take a long time to get there, but I'm staying focused on taking the trip of a lifetime. Also, I can't wait to be able to actually start to understand the K dramas. I really like them but reading subtitles can sometimes be a chore (and dubbing is usually awful). 

I'd also love to know what BTS members are saying when they live stream. 

Also, the photos of BTS from the "Take Two" live clip over on Weverse are delightful. They look like a bouquet of gorgeous spring flowers.

BTS or Bust: Seoul 2026

 SO...what is this all about? Pretty K-Pop superstars? Sure, a little. There will definitely be some of that here. But what it's really about is a journey of self-discovery and inspiration on the way to a goal to take the trip of a lifetime. How did I get from there to here? Allow me to explain.

I am a really new BTS Fan, REALLY new. As in, I watched my first BTS video on March 11, of this year. It was Fire. A song about living your life as you want, and don't let the haters get in your way. Commit to your passions and be strong in who you are. And most importantly, don't be afraid. At first, I was impressed by the choreography and music. But once I looked up what the song was about, I was blown away by how much I identified with it.

You see, I have always been an outsider. I'm an introvert and I've never cared much for conforming. Maybe it was the way I grew up, or peers at school who made me feel like an outsider because I am different. There have been times in life where I have worked at social conformity but it never fits for very long. So, at a certain point, I gave up and decided to be who I am and stop apologizing for it. 

And here was BTS, saying that exact thing in a song. A song with incredible choreography and a fantastic sound. Watching them perform it live is incredible, it takes stamina to do what they do. You can really see how hard they have to work to pull it off, and they perform with precision. It's incredible to watch. It really captured me. It's inspiring. Here's the world's most popular group telling their haters off. You can't keep us down, we'll just work harder and show you how it's done. We are who we are and we're not apologizing. Whoa. 

From there, it was Dynamite (love the funky sound of that one)...then Butter (an infectious tune that won't leave you alone)...and my YouTube history tells the rest. So here I am, three months later and today is the 10th anniversary of BTS' debut and I have become ARMY. 

The Trip of a Lifetime

Upon discovering that I really like BTS and how much they inspire me, I also discovered that they are on hiatus to serve in the military. I was bummed but at the same time, I respect the need to fulfill your obligations and serve your country.

In the meantime, I have been steadily listening to more of their music and I really like it. Their music is not only fun to listen to, it has a good message. I discovered the Weverse in May. An early June livestream on the Weverse drew me into their live shows even more. And there are literally thousands of hours of them on YouTube. Thousands of hours of performances, skits and general goofing off.

So I jokingly said to a friend a few weeks ago, "Well, they'll be back in 2025 or 2026, shall we go to Seoul?" My friend, who is a K Drama stan (and who introduced me to K Drama), was on board. From what we've seen in the Dramas, Korea is a beautiful country and I want to see what it's all about.

But 2025 or 2026 is a long way away and I want to make this trip meaningful to me. One thing that inspires me about BTS is that their music has meaning. When they speak, they do so with sincerity. Sincerity is captivating to me. And it's obvious to me, that they work really hard at what they do. As a hard worker, I appreciate that work ethic in others.  

Getting There

All of that led me to thinking about how to get there. Not just getting to Korea literally, but how to make this the trip of a lifetime. I definitely want to try to see BTS on stage when I go, but it's more about accomplishing goals and being my best self.

So I set a few basic goals, most of them inspired by BTS:

• Love myself - Be proud of me. Figure out what makes me happy and do that those things. I love that these guys are consistently sending the message to ignore the haters and embrace who you are.
• Learn to eat better - Try some new things, don't be afraid. When BTS does something, they seem to go all in. It's time for me to let go of my fear of food and try something new.
• Learn Korean - I'm not sure how well I can do this, but I'm going to give it a try. I love that Namjoon learned English from Friends.  
• Be a better human being - These guys are regularly giving money to charities and just generally being good humans. I want to do better in the small ways that I can - reduce my consumption, repurpose things instead of throwing them out, volunteer and contribute in other meaningful ways.
• Finish some things - I often get distracted and leave things unfinished. I need to put in the hard work to focus and finish.
• Save money - this is hard for me but it's very important. I need to learn to be more frugal and that's a good goal to have. Saving is the best way to pay for a trip like this. (This is less of an inspired goal and more of a practical one).

And most importantly, I want to chronicle the journey so I can look back on it later. 

So Happy 10th Anniversary today, BTS, I love the new song, I'm all in and I'm looking forward to being ARMY for the next ten.